Vacations Blog

OVERVIEW:
UpTake’s Director of Online Research and Knowledge (DORK) is looking for a personal assistant to manage his identity on social networking sites. If you are a twittering, blogging, online socialite with mad skillz, this is an exciting opportunity to work closely with an industry leading DORK.

REQUIREMENTS:
* You are the Emily Post of social media. Well you’re actually not anything like Emily Post because she would be way too uptight for social networks, but if she were born in 1980 or so and applied her craft to social networks, that would be you.
* Not only will you be able to return (on DORK’s behalf) and respond to all the ridiculous new high-tech ways of saying “Hi” on Facebook (e.g. Vampire Bites, Pie in the Face, Movie Quiz, Wedgie, Super-Duper-Wall) you must also be able to initiate barrages of new “hey what’s up, dude”? attacks to all DORK’s friends.
* Specifically be good at playing that which-celebrity-belongs-to-which-buttocks game. The DORK longs to be known as a celebrity-buttocks-guessing champ. Experience in outsourcing to lower cost and more buttocks-knowledgable countries is a bonus.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
Make key decisions and define policies including:

* Should the DORK be a link-hoe and accept links from anyone who offers? Or should he at least know the people he is linked to? Is it wise to play hard to get?
* Should the DORK reject people who he doesn’t want to be friends with, or just ignore them? Is there a difference? (Like, if you reject a request, do they get a message “dude, you got so flushed”?)
* Initiate weekly spam attacks against friends who have in the past sent more than three stupid application invitations to the DORK.
* Establish a policy for DORK’s family – when he sends a link request to his children, how much should the bribe be to accept?
* A side responsibility would be to help the DORK keep track of which lies about himself he told on which dating sites and figure out how to keep that girl from Lavalife from posting online date reviews about the DORK.
* If the DORK twitters more than 5 times in one day, does that mean he’s a narcissist?

COMPENSATION:
* If the DORK can have the feeling that Facebook is once again a useful tool for staying in touch with friends instead of being spammed by them, then you will have done a great job and will be paid handsomely.
* For each new real-life friend that the DORK actually knows (and doesn’t just have a link to) you will get a bonus.
* Each time one of the DORK’s online friends compliments him on his Facebook, LinkedIn, or My-Fashizzle web site, you will receive one ringtone.

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