Vacations Blog

This is the second in a two part series about traveling with autistic children by Glenda Watson Hyatt, the first was about tips for parents traveling with autistic children. 

A mother and her young son board a plane to visit relatives. The son becomes fidgety and restless, especially when the flight attendant repeatedly tightens his seatbelt. Soon the unfamiliarity of being on a plane overwhelms the child; he throws himself on the floor, crying uncontrollably. After several failed attempts to calm her son and to return him to his seat, the pilot turns around the plane on the tarmac and returns to the terminal. Embarrassed and humiliated, mother and son deplane. Their plans for a vacation with relatives squashed. The child is neither a security risk nor a spoiled brat. The child has autism - a neurological disorder. Described as “living in a world of their own”, some autistic children avoid eye or physical contact with others, and may be noticeably upset when touched. Other children are unresponsive or become limp when touched, while others are quite affectionate. Their facial expression is often blank, and they are not able to read the facial expressions of others. Speech and language skills are typically impaired.

Autistic children may required their routine and surroundings to remain constant. A slight disruption or change may result in extreme emotional reactions, such as a temper tantrum. Some autistic children develop strong attachments to an object, like a piece of string or a wooden spoon that must be in hand at all times; others say a word or phrase repeatedly.

Although they may look perfectly normal, children may be mildly to severely affected by autism. If you meet one child with autism, then you have met one child with autism. No two autistic children are the same.

These children often are very anxious and find travel — the noise, the crowds, the lines, and the disruption of their routine — particularly difficult. The judgment of others can make a very stressful situation far worse. Kim Mance, co-editor of the online women’s travel magazine Galavanting and mother of an eight year-old autistic son, offer some ways strangers have helped her:

• Asking directly if my son is autistic. It lets the parents know the fellow traveler (or diner) is sympathetic rather than merely staring, which can then allow them to relax a little, which in turn seems to reduce the stress on the autistic child.
• Talking directly to my son. At one event, a woman looked at him for a while, and then I told her about his autism. She mentioned her autistic grandson and then turned to my son and said, “I’m so glad to be sitting next to you. Tell me if I can help you.” I appreciated it, as did my son did —  since he didn’t have any outbursts, which are sometimes brought on by his frustration of being misunderstood.
• Wait for an answer. Children with autism often take longer to respond to a question. A stranger asking a simple question like, “How old are you”, then waiting a good 20 seconds and/or repeating the question a couple of times will not only harvest a response, but put him at ease in his surroundings. Once he has talked to someone, the individual is no longer a stranger. The fewer the strangers, the less upsetting the new environment.

Fellow travelers can also assist by:

• offering the family to go ahead while waiting in line or for dinner reservations;
• offering to keep an eye on or entertain any siblings so that the parent can focus on the child with autism; or
• offering any interesting but not valuable gadgets or giveaways such as a lighted pen, calculator or flashing key chain to distract a child with autism.  (Ask the parent first.) Special needs consultant and speaker Catherine Whitcher, M.Ed. (www.precisioneducation.com), carries branded silly putty to share with families.

Ms. Whitcher also suggests complimenting the family if you notice a family has a child with autism and all is calm. She says, “You may recognize the signs of silverware being lined up at the table, a toy being played with excessively or staring at the ceiling light and know a child has an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).  If the moment warrants a compliment, give one.  So often families coping with ASD are accustomed to people staring for the wrong reasons, let them know you are admiring what a great family they have.”

Traveling can be stressful at the best of times. Being patient and understanding can relieve some of that stress for everyone. A friendly and compassionate smile can go a long way in easing the stress of a beleaguered parent facing a sea of glaring and judgmental eyes.

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