The Santa Interview
In just a few days Santa Claus will be gearing up for a trip that most of us can only dream about, a trip around the world. Of course, his trip is business-related, and he’s a bit pressed for time, but it’s still cool.
I was lucky enough to sit with (on) Santa recently and we had a conversation about his yearly journey — or as much of a conversation as we could have before the kid behind me started crying. Seriously, I paid for the photo, I should get my time.
Whit: Santa, I must say that this is awesome. I know that you’re busy this time of year and I thank you for taking the time to talk to me for UpTake.
Santa: Whit, it’s my pleasure. And wow, you’ve put on some weight since the last time you stopped by.
Whit: It’s been over 30 years, Santa. Cut me some slack.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho. Very well. Now what was it that you wanted to know?
Whit: I suppose the big question is, “how do you do it?” How do you travel the world in one night? Where do you start?
Santa: It’s a combination of speed, luck and magic. There’s a lot of math involved. I usually start at the North Pole and take it from there.
Whit: Was that sarcasm, Santa?
Santa: I don’t traffic in sarcasm.
Whit: Speaking of traffic, you’re on the road, or air as the case may be, for quite some time. Do you have scheduled stops so you can rest and whatnot, or do you just sit a spell in random houses as needed?
Santa: Generally speaking I don’t schedule breaks. However, I have been known to hit a Starbucks every other timezone or so. I’m a sucker for the Gingerbread Latte. Plus, they always have clean restrooms.
Whit: I agree. That’s good stuff. Do you have a soundtrack to your trip? Do you make mixes?
Santa: Well, I’m under contract with iTunes to play at least 70% holiday music, but since everyone and their brother has a Christmas record out this days I rarely have any repeats. I just hit shuffle on my iPhone and let it roll. I’m rather partial to Dean Martin and Bing Crosby, but She and Him is pretty good, too. I also like Sufjan Stevens.
Whit: Very nice. So, do you have a special place that you like more than others? Does your route allow you to take in the scenery at all?
Santa: My route varies depending on solar wind and military testing. Interested parties can track my path and progress at NORAD. They’re good people. As for favorite places, Paris is lovely in the winter. New York and Vegas are good as well. Basically I like a place that’s well-lit. Rudolph’s nose gives me a headache after awhile and it’s nice to let him rest it now and again.
Whit: Wow, that’s a lot of insight, Santa. I really appreciate it and I know our readers will feel the same. Is there anything else you would like to add?
Santa: Just that people don’t leave bran for the reindeer. It messes with their insides something fierce and it makes for a pretty uncomfortable ride — for all of us. Other than that I’d just like to wish everyone a very happy holiday. Peace. Now move, the kids are crying.
Photo: Tumbleweed:-) via Flickr
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