Ocean Drive in South Beach

Sometimes the best thing about writing about travel is getting ripped off – and knowing you’ll get to tell people about it later. I had to remind myself of this on a recent trip to South Beach.

It was my first exposure to the Miami restaurant experience, and while I will definitely be back to South Beach and eat out on Ocean Drive again, I will keep these tips and lessons learned in mind and hopefully save myself several hundred dollars.

I’ll also never eat at the Beacon Hotel’s Rendezvous Restaurant again.

Ocean Drive is the place to eat in South Beach.  The sidewalks are lined with rows and rows of umbrellas and tables offering dining al fresco and world class people watching.  Navigating Ocean Drive means walking directly in the middle of the open air restaurants – and coming face to face with an aggressive sales pitch.

Hostesses, waiters, bartenders and restaurant managers will shout specials and bargains at you as you walk from one cafe to another.  Hostesses will hand you business cards and promise you free drinks and special seating if you come back.

It seems like a dream for a diner looking for a great deal!

Until you get an $800 bill with prices you’ve never seen and items you’ve never heard of.

How can you really save money eating out in South Beach?

1. Read the signs, ignore the waitress.

This is common sense, right?  But when you’re being led to a table and a waiter is using words like “half off everything” and you confirm “half off everything?” you assume that means “half off everything”.  In reality, “half off everything” usually means “sit down, eat, we’ll worry about the bill later”.

The actual sale, along with the terms and conditions, are printed on large signs on the sidewalk.  Usually what you’ll find is that only drinks and select menu items are on sale.  Every restaurant is offering something different, so be sure to read the sign at the cafe you finally sit down at.

Yes.  I know.  This should be common sense.

2. Ask for comps and freebies.

Competition is fierce among Ocean Drive restaurants, especially with a struggling economy and slow tourist seasons.  Don’t be afraid to use this to your advantage.

Remind one hostess that their neighbor has offered you a complimentary bottle of wine or round of drinks.  But be realistic and remember that their goal is to make money.  A free round of drinks or appetizers is a reasonable request – a free steak and lobster dinner is not.

Confirm whatever freebies you’re promised with another staff member to avoid another surprise on your bill later!

3. Avoid off menu items.

Whether it’s an appetizer or a chef’s special, this is where South Beach restaurants capitalize on the tourist’s “sure! whatever! I’m on vacation!” attitude.  On my recent visit, the final cost of the “special”, unlisted appetizers was three times the price of similar menu items.

Ask the price of everything.  Do not assume that the prices on the menu are a fair indication of the prices of everything being pitched to you.

I paid over $100 for a special entree that normally sold for $42 on the menu.  Needless to say, it was not included in the “half off everything” sale.

For all of my complaining about shady marketing and outrageous billing practices, the food on South Beach is phenomenal. The seafood is fresh and everything is perfectly prepared.  The service is slow – I suspect because the waiters are doubling as salespeople – but most staff you’ll run into are friendly.  The experience would have been just about perfect if I had known what I was getting into ahead of time and been a little less naive.

I guess even in Miami the old adage holds true.  If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Photo by Britt Reints, naive diner and tourist.

What’s the first thing you think of when you imagine a vacation in Los Angeles?  Disneyland.  Okay, yeah, that’s been covered here already, so what’s the second thing?  The beach, of course!  If you live in Wisconsin and you’re planning to visit Southern California, you’re not coming here for the art museums.

Santa Monica on Veterans' Day

The obvious beach destinations are the Santa Monica Pier and Venice Beach, both places that are good for classic photo opportunities.  But if you’re the kind of beach lover who wants to see more beach than people, head north.  Once you pass Sunset Boulevard you leave the tourist traps behind in favor of some of the most beautiful beach spots in the area.  If you have the time and enjoy a beautiful drive, keep going even farther than the vast stretches of Zuma Beach, itself a great destination for a quick two-hour out-of-town getaway.

Family fun at Zuma Beach

The steep terrain that drops off away from Pacific Coast Highway makes some of these beaches a little bit more difficult to access, but that’s what keeps the crowds away, and almost guarantees that you will have a pristine view once you get down there.  Nicholas Canyon and El Matador are two beautiful less populated spots.  Look closely for the brown signs directing you to the turnoffs – they’re easy to miss.  Parking here is paid for at a machine, then you display your ticket in your window.  Solidly constructed staircases get you down to the sand, but there are a LOT of stairs, so make sure you pack lightly.

El Matador

Just up the coast, Leo Carillo State Beach has a campground to the east of the highway, and plenty of parking along the sand if you take the turnoff to the west.  There’s also a stretch of beach there that allows dogs.  Not just for sunbathing, you can watch surfers, windsurfers, and parasailors, or poke around in the tidepools at low tide.  Parking is $10 a day, so make sure you’ll be there long enough to make your visit worth the cost.

The last chance beach in Los Angeles county is called County Line.  No longer the true line that ends the county, this is a local surfing spot famous for its dual breaks, perfect for long- and shortboarders alike.   You’ll know you’re there when you see the turnoff for parking on the west side of the highway, right across from from Neptune’s Net, an old-school beach shack that attracts local color as well as beach visitors for bottled drinks, grilled meats, and steamed seafood.  (Warning – there are only portable toilets at this beach and restaurant, so leave your daintiness back at Leo Carillo’s flush toilets.)  It’s a perfect destination for your drive – sit on the porch and have a snack and drink while you watch the surfers, then head back south to that turnoff that you missed on the way up.