Objects in mirror are dorkier than they appear.

My husband and I leave on our Epic Summer Road Trip (links to the five-part story of our planning process are at the end of this entry) in exactly 40 hours. We’ve been scurrying, and list-making, and list-checking-off, and thinking of a dozen last-minute details that need to be accomplished before we leave.

For instance, we need to buy a rat tonight to feed our snake, who eats every two to three weeks. It just wouldn’t do to leave our daughter, who is house sitting for us, at the mercy of a hungry 5 1/2 foot Ball Python, now would it?

Hard drive storage suddenly became a concern, because I plan on taking a lot of pictures. I probably won’t follow my own advice about putting the camera down, so we ended up putting the portable hard drive on the list of gear to pack. See, we rented some lenses for our Canon Rebel XTi, and I’m enjoying them so much so far that I anticipate taking many, MANY more pictures than would be my usual desire.

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We were driving back from Yosemite to Los Angeles after three days of dusty cabin camping.  You know the experience:  a car full of dirty laundry, hastily packed supplies, garbage, empty soda cans, exhausted parents and restless children.  The trip was only 5 hours long, and we were test-roadtripping a luxuriously enormous Ford Flex, so this return journey wasn’t as awful as some of them have been in the past.  Still, the 4-year-old’s frequent need to use a restroom, and the 2-year-old’s incessant cry for “Mo’ feesh!” (translation, “More goldfish!”) made for a typically nerve wracking ride.

At one point the children’s cries reached a fever pitch and we knew we had to stop and let them run around, like puppies released from a pen.  Trouble was, we were driving through…Bakersfield, CA, which we had always considered a place to get through on your way to somewhere else.  I’m sure it’s a lovely town, but from I-99, Bakersfield is one giant dusty truckstop.  We looked for any flash of color to be found along the roadside, and pulled over where we saw a gas station and farm stand.  We thought, okay a farm stand might be a good place for the kids to run around.

The Flex

Roadside stand

Little did we know we had stumbled upon a lovely little experience.  Orozco’s Watermelons were out in full supply, and our children ran gleefully up and down the rows of watermelon bins.  Sold by the size, I nabbed a head-shaped melon for $2, and picked up two pints of strawberries as well.

Melons, melons, melons!

I saw Orozco himself reach over to pick up our 2-year-old from one of the rows, and I thought he was going to scold us for letting the kids run around.  Instead, he plopped the kid on top of the watermelons, gave him a huge slice, and beckoned for me to point and shoot:

Now what do I do?

Melons as big as your head

Sharing is caring

Sticky but happy

He ate the WHOLE THING

We spent at least 20 minutes frolicking at the watermelon stand.  Back in the car, the kids were sticky but satisfied, and happily submitted to a hypnotizing DVD for the rest of the ride.  Thank you, Bakersfield.

Orozco’s Watermelons: 1901 Frontage West Road, Mettler, CA 93313 (seasonal, ending June 30)

Road Trips with Kids

When you’re taking a road trip with kids, a large part of your planning is figuring out how to keep them entertained.  This is never more important than when you’re going to be riding in a car for hours.

Taking a road trip with more than one kid can be both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, they have someone to talk to and play with.  On the other hand, they have someone to talk to and poke at and torment when they start getting really bored.  Head boredom off at the pass with travel games kids can play in the car – and do it without spending a dime!

8 Free Travel Games To Play with Kids on Road Trips:

1.  I SPY - “I spy, with my little eye, something… green!”  Hopefully you’re already familiar with the wonders of the I SPY guessing game.  If not, the rules are simple to learn – and teach.  Basically, one of you starts describing something you can see (hence the phrase “I spy with my little eye”) and everyone else in the car guesses until someone guesses the mystery item correctly.  This is especially fun with a preschooler her describes Mommy’s shirt every. single. time.

2.  The license plate game – When I was a kid we used to mentally keep track of all of the different states we would see license plates for on our road trips.  Now that make books especially designed for The License Plate Game.  The books come with stickers and pictures and actually teach your kids stuff while keeping them entertained in the backseat.  Brilliant!  (This still counts because you CAN play it for free, just like we did when we were kids.)

3.  20 Questions - Surely you’ve heard of 20 questions.  As a parent, you’re basically playing this game all day, every day, without the beautiful finish line that an actual game provides.  20 Questions is similar to I SPY except that you’re not limited to using objects you can see – which is nice if you’ve got slow guessers and a fast scenery.  You think of an object, the guessers have to try to figure out what you’re thinking of by asking up to 20 yes or no questions.  Yep, that’s it.

4.  Name That Tune - My husband and I actually play this game in the car whether we have kids or not.  Because we are just that cool. It works best if you have satellite radio, a large play list on an mp3 player, or a monster collection of CDs to draw from.  You basically see how quickly you can guess the song.  Bonus points for getting it before the lyrics start.  Bonus, Extra, AWESOME points if you can get the name of the song and the artist.  Negative 100 points if you actually keep track of points.

5.  Scavenger Hunt – This is a game you have to plan for ahead of time.  Print off a list of different things you might see along the drive and have the kids check them off as they see them.  For added fun, come up with a little prize for the person who completes their list first.  (And of course, you’re probably going to want a consolation prize for everyone else.  Unless you like crying fits over something as silly as a made up Scavenger Hunt.)  Here’s a sample scavenger hunt list to get you started.

6.  Tic Tac Toe - This requires nothing more than two travelers and a paper and pen.  My nine year old can play this game for hours and never get bored.

7.  Lines and Dots – Speaking of pen and paper games, do you remember playing lines and dots over and over again at lunch in junior high?  No?  Was that just a weird thing the girls at my school did?  Anyway - lines and dots is another game where you can make your own game board from any sheet of paper.  You make a grid of dots and take turns connecting two dots at a time with a line in an effort to make boxes.  You get a point for each box you complete.  Sound familiar now?  No?  If you’ve never played lines and dots, you can find detailed rules here.

8.  Hangman – Is there no limit to the games that you can play on the back of a hotel receipt print out?  Not yet!  Hangman is like Do It Yourself Wheel Of Fortune.  It’s also a great way for your kids to practice their spelling and language skills.  You can play Hangman with a beginner reader by using simple words like their name and the names of other people they know.

And one travel game that is not free but I am including because it is my favorite….

Travel Yahtzee – You can get just about every classic board game in a travel version.  Travel Yahtzee was my absolute favorite as a kid because there weren’t a million little pieces to lose, and I could play it by myself if my siblings were being pains in the butt.  (There is nothing wrong with a kid playing Yahtzee with themselves to beat their own previous high scores.  Totally normal.)

The Natchez Trace Parkway runs just over 400 miles between Nashville, TN and Natchez, MS.  It is a gentle, winding road chock full of beautiful scenery, rolling hills, trees, wildlife and more interesting and historic stopping points along the route than you can possibly imagine.

The parkway follows an ancient trail that connected the southern portions of the Mississippi River, through Alabama, to central Tennessee. There are numerous ways to experience this amazing road: driving, hiking, biking, horseback riding, and camping.

How did we experience The Natchez Trace?  We just drove.  And stopped often.

The Natchez Trace Parkway is operated by the National Park Service.  There are no fees or reservations required to enter Natchez Trace Parkway which can be accessed from any of the hundreds of small cities and towns that line the outskirts of the Parkway.

A good guidebook and a map are invaluable tools while traveling the Trace.  We used a rather dated copy (1995) of a book called Traveling the Trace by Cathy and Vernon Summerlin as well as consulting the National Park Services website for maps and other information.

A few other things you’ll definitely need to be mindful of:

• The speed limit on the Natchez Trace Parkway is 50 miles per hour.  Trust me, you don’t want to go any faster or you’ll miss something spectacular.
• There are no service stations, convenience stores or lodging directly on the Natchez Trace Parkway. Keep that in mind if the tank gets low or you run out of snacks.  Fear not though, for there are countless communities just on the other side of the tree line that have everything you’ll need.
• Cell phone reception is spotty. Oh, you can get service, but it is probably going to be at the exorbitant roaming rate.
• Be mindful of the wildlife and their propensity to wander into the roadway. There is a lot of wildlife and apparently they are blind–and deaf!!
• The Natchez Trace Parkway gets very dark at night. The roadway is not lighted so unless you appreciate driving in pitch blackness, it may be a good idea to find an exit when the sun goes down.

Next time you’re vacationing anywhere near Nashville or Natchez (or literally anywhere in between) make it a point to visit the Natchez Trace Parkway.  It’s the stuff vacation memories are made of.

Dad....we're lost. Aren't we?

Before Garmin, and Tom Tom, before GPS apps for the iPhone and Mapquest there were, well….maps.  Large pieces of folded paper with markings to indicate roads, rivers, towns, cities and states.  Yet even with all of these modern and archaic conveniences, sometimes it’s necessary to ask for further assistance when traveling.

As a general rule, asking a curmudgeon at the local dairy bar for travel directions is a fairly safe bet.  Chances are, he’s lived in the area his entire life and knows the area intimately.  And they are more than happy to oblige a request as it simply gives them an opportunity to belittle someone, something for which he lives.  Note I said general rule.  There’s a whole other set of standards applied to directions and mapping means and measurements when you ask a curmudgeon for directions in the south.

“Excuse me.  But can you tell me how to get to Tuscumbia?”

“No problem, boy.  Just head on down that road a bit and when you get to where the old oak used to stand, take a right.  It’s just past Old Man Johnson’s place.  Go on over the Cobb Creek Bridge and that road’ll  (road + will = road’ll perfectly acceptable in the south) take you right there.  You can’t miss it, unless you’re blind or an idiot!”

“The old oak?”

“Ay-yupp.  If you get to where the school house used to be you’ve gone too far.  You can’t miss it.  It’s just up the road a bit.”

“This road here? Then the Cobb Creek Bridge?”

“Cox Creek.”

“Cox Creek?” I could have sworn that was what he was saying.

“CONCRETE! CON–CRETE, SON!!!”

“Oh, like cement?”

“Boy, y’ain’t from around here.  Are ya?”

“Nah,” I said smiling in an aw shucks you got me sort of way.  “What gave it away?  My accent?  The out of state license plates?  Full set of teeth?”  (I didn’t really say that last part–but I certainly thought it.)

Not wanting to appear any more the idiot I got back into the van.  Granted, I had no idea where the old oak used to stand and had never heard of Old Man Johnson’s place.  Those two items were not listed on my must sees in rural Collinwood, TN.

Fact of the matter, rural Collinwood, TN was not on my map either.   I started out in search of where the old oak used to be and looked up into my rear view mirror to see the old man waving his arms wildly and yelling at me.

I stopped and rolled down the window to hear him yelling, “the other way, you stupid fool!”

Two miles down the road I stopped and asked again for directions from what I have now found to be a fool-proof source.  The UPS guy.

Another invaluable source is the post office, the sheriff’s office or local fire/ambulance department.  There’s also a pretty fair chance that even the local insurance agent has invaluable knowledge of the area.  Much more so, believe it or not, than the pimple faced high school kid working behind the counter at the corner gas station and convenience store.

Getting lost is a real possibility on even the most well thought out trips.  Knowing who to ask for directions can make all the difference in the world.

Happy Traveler

Road trips are like childbirth.  Done right, they can be the adventure of a lifetime.  Done wrong, and you’re screaming for someone’s head on a platter and demanding to know WHOSE BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THIS?!?!

I am a cheap traveler with a quest to see the world while hanging on to as much of my cash as possible.  Needless to say, I’ve taken my share of vacations by car in an attempt to save money.  Here’s a few road trip planning tips I’ve picked up along the way.

18 Road Trip Planning Survival Tips

1. Get the oil changed and your fluids checked before you leave.

I’ve owned a few beater cars in my life.  I’ve taken more than one road trip in a lemon.  And I’ve been stuck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere more times than I care to admit.  Be ye not so stupid.

Make sure your vehicle is road trip ready before you leave.  Have the oil changed, fill up on windshield wiper fluid and make sure you have your license, registration and insurance up to date – and actually in the car with you.

(Because apparently “Officer, I SWEAR I have an insurance card that is not expired sitting on my kitchen counter right now” is not a viable defense in some states.)

2.  Go with someone you love.  Or like.  A lot.

Good companionship can make all the difference on a road trip.  The longer the trip, the more compatible you better be with the person you plan to be confined in a car with for hours on end.

Of course, a long road trip in the car can be a great opportunity to get to know someone better.  But if you’re thinking of tagging along with people who normally irritate the crap out of you just to save a little dough – think about flying instead.

3.  Take turns driving.

As a woman, I’ve never understood those couples where the man is the only who does the driving.  This is especially true when driving long distances.  If you can manage to get yourself around town by yourself, you can handle a turn at the wheel for a road trip.

It’s nice to get a break from the driving.  It’s also nice to get a break from just sitting and watching out the window and trying really, really hard not to say anything when the other driver gets really, really close to the car in front of him.  I mean, you know, for example.  Don’t be afraid to do some of the driving.

4.  Bring your own music.

Do you remember in the 80s when you had mixed tapes for everything?  First Date Mix.  Prom Night Mix.  Ode To My Love For You Mix.  A road trip is the perfect excuse to revive the mix (although it will probably take the form of a burned CD or a playlist on your iPod).

Prepare yourself for inevitable stereo static with ample back up music.  Bring twice as much as you think you’ll listen to.  My playlists (because I am an iSnob) are crammed with cheesy songs I know the words to, musical soundtracks and nostalgic favorites.

Don’t be afraid to turn it up and sing along at the top of your lungs.  The chances of you ever seeing that driver who’s giving you funny looks from the car beside you again are slim to none.  Unless you happen to stop at the same rest stop.

5. Bring sunglasses and sunscreen.

Maybe I’m the only person to ever get sunburned through a car window – but I doubt it.  And I know for a fact that I’m not the only person in my marriage who has had to stop at a convenient store to buy sunglasses because they didn’t think about having to stare into the sun for hours on end.

Sunglasses will prevent squinting and eye strain.  Sunscreen will prevent an embarrassing sunburn on one half of your body.  And cancer.

6.  Avoid stupid traffic tickets.

You know what’s not fun when you’re on vacation?  Getting arrested.  You know what’s also not fun and probably a more likely scenario?  Having to spend hundreds of dollars from your travel budget on a speeding or seat belt ticket.

Wear your seat belt.  Use your turn signal.  Don’t speed (or if you do, at least go with the flow of traffic).  You’re going to get stuck in the exact same traffic jam due to construction as everyone else a few miles down the road anyway.  (And the fines are double there.)

7.  Bring your own food and drinks.

I don’t get why some people don’t pack a cooler and snacks when they take a road trip.  Are you surprised to learn that your body requires food and water?  Or are you just hoping to find something deliciously nutritious at a gas station?

Yeah.  I don’t think so.  Convenient store food is fine up to a point, but if you’re going to be spending hours (or days) in a vehicle, plan ahead and bring food that doesn’t suck.  I load up on water bottles, cans of pop, juice boxes, crackers, pre-made sandwiches, fruit and other travel friendly snacks.

When I’m traveling with kids, I try to bring as many individually packed snacks as possible to avoid the need for sharing.  I’ll teach them manners when I’m not stuck in a car with them.

8. Bring garbage bags.

If you’re going to be in the car for hours, chances are you’re going to be eating in the car.  And drinking in the car.  And chewing gum that comes in itty bitty gum wrappers in the car.

Stay on top of the mess as you make it with a small garbage bag.  This might sound like a silly detail, but riding in your own filth is.. well.. gross.  And an ever rising mound of wrappers and empty bottles rising on your floorboards will make your car feel infinitely smaller than it actually is.  A well organized, decluttered road trip is a happy road trip.

9.  Get gas before you’re on E.

My husband and I drove 1400 miles once in 24 hours.  We had this brilliant idea to keep driving until we were just about out of gas in order to save time and get more driving done between pit stops.  We came >this< close to being stranded on the side of a back road in Illinois in the middle of the night, miles from a gas station or signs of civilization.

Learn from our foolishness.

If you get out your pencil and paper and do the math, you’ll see that you aren’t saving any gas, money or time by driving until you’re on fumes.  When you’re driving in unfamiliar territory, you never know when the next gas station will come up – or whether or not it will be open.  Start looking for your next pit stop when you hit the 3/4 tank mark to avoid any long walks by the side of the road with the little red gas can.

10. Use the bathroom every time you stop.

I would think this would be a no brainer.  But I’ve traveled with children, so I know not everyone understands the wisdom of “just try, you don’t know when you’ll be able to go again”.

Whether you’re stopping for food (I told you so!) or to fill up with gas, spend the extra few minutes to hit the restroom.  If you don’t, you’re pretty much guaranteed to find yourself having to pee about 15 minutes after you’re back on the road.  At least, you will if you’re me.

Seriously.  Just try!  You don’t know when you’ll be able to go again!

11.  For Pete’s sake, just pull over and let the woman pee.

Now, if someone happens to announce that they have to use the restroom not long after you’ve made your most recent pit stop, for the love of all things holy just stop and let her – er, them - go.

A good road trip isn’t a race.  Tacking on 10 minutes at the next exit is not going to ruin your vacation or cause you to lose some Awesome Travel Time Trophy.  And it will make your traveling companion much more pleasant to ride with.  Believe me.

12. Plan time for unexpected stops.

Speaking of extra time… there really is no trophy that I have ever heard of for making good time.  The best road trips are just as much about the journey as the destination.

Allow yourself extra time for unexpected detours when you’re planning your trip.  Pull over and check out that massive ball of twine.  Stop and take pictures in front of those really cool bluffs.  Some of the coolest places I’ve been have been on the way to where I was going.  So says Confucius.

13. Sleep.

When it’s not your turn to drive, don’t be afraid to get some sleep.  This is especially important if you’re driving through the night or plan to spend more than 8 hours on the road.

Of course, sleeping in the car isn’t exactly comfortable.  I highly recommend bringing pillows (and a blanket, if there’s room!) or a good travel pillow.  It’s not a night at The Ritz, but it will help.  A well rested driver is a safer driver.  And a well rested passenger is a less irritable and more enjoyable passenger.

14. Avoid rush hour traffic.

It’s one thing to tack on time on your road trip for an interesting roadside attraction.  It’s another thing entirely to loose hours sitting in rush hour traffic because you ended up in Chicago at 5pm.

If at all possible, plan your route so that you hit major cities outside of peak driving times.  If that’s not possible, look for bypasses and alternate routes.  The miles you loose driving around the city will be worth the time and gas you save by not idling in bumper to bumper commuter traffic.  Remember that you might be on vacation, but the rest of the world still has to work during the week – and they have to drive to get there.

15. Bring a map.  A real, actual, paper map that does not talk to you.

I love GPS.  In fact, love is probably not a strong enough word for the affection I have for a dashboard device that tells me where to go and when to turn.  But even the best navigation system in the world makes mistakes.

Bring a map and double check your computer generated route.  It’s also nice to have a map on hand if you find yourself having to detour around a city, or looking for the best route to that big ball of twine you’re stopping to see.

16. Pack games for the kids.

One of the main reasons I end up vacationing road trip style is because I have kids.  Airplane tickets for a family of four are surprisingly more expensive than an airplane ticket for one.  Go figure.

A backseat full of bored kids can ruin the shortest card ride.  It can make a long road trip unbearable for everyone.  Plan ahead.  Bring a variety of road trip friendly activities to keep the young travelers occupied.  Some of our family favorites include coloring books, crossword puzzles, puzzle books, and travel versions of board games.  And of course, you can always fall back on a rousing game of I Spy.

17. Wear flip flops.

I loathe flip flops as a fashion option.  I’m kind of a snob like that.  But for road trips, a slip on/slip off footwear choice is a must.

Every single person in my family takes off their shoes if they’re in the car for too long.  That means every single person in my family has to put their shoes back on every single time we stop.  For food.  For bathroom breaks.  For staring at that dang ball of twine.  It can take 15 minutes to find shoes, find socks, put back on socks and shoes, lace up shoes and finally get out of the dang car.  If you’re taking a road trip as a family, flip flops are your friend.

18.  Have fun!

No, really.  Ultimately, the success of your road trip is dependent on your state of mind.  You can do everything on the list and still have a horrible experience if you’re focused on how long you’re driving and when you’ll get there and how much you hate being stuck in the car.

Or, you can forget every single tip I’ve given you and find yourself laughing uproariously in the middle of rush hour traffic, having the time of your life.

Planning ahead can make things easier and help avoid some common pitfalls, but ultimately something will go awry and it will be up to you to keep a positive attitude and make the most of your road trip experience.  Relax.  Smile.  And enjoy the ride.