When I was asked to write about the Dodgers this week, I have to admit momentary panic set in. I’m not a baseball fan and don’t remember the last time I went to a Dodger game. In fact, I’m not even certain how the game is played. All I know is someone hits a little white ball with a stick and then runs like hell.

But then I realized that a trip to a Dodger game might be right up my alley. After all, it involves two of my favorite activities, sitting and eating. So, here’s how my ideal Dodger day might unfold:

One of the first things I would do is check out the parking situation on the Official Dodger Stadium website. Even though Opening Day in 2007 went down in the record books as one of the worst parking days in the stadium’s history, with 16,000 parking spaces I figure I shouldn’t have any problem finding a spot. Even if I take up the usual four spaces parking my minivan, that still leaves 15,996 spaces for the rest of you.

(I found this article that pointed out the absence of bike racks at Dodger Stadium. This doesn’t concern me, seeing as I drive my car even to the corner mailbox. But normal people and fitness buffs might want to take note.)

Next up would be tickets. I’m not a season ticket holder, so I would head down to Chavez Ravine (as all us Dodger experts call it) and buy a one-day ticket. They range in price from $130 for MVP seating all the way down to $11 for what appears to be a seat in the top section inside a stall in the men’s bathroom. I’d decide to splurge for a $70 seat, which along with having a great view of the field appears to be painted a pleasing orange color that would go great with my complexion.

Upon entering the stadium I would waste no time in procuring the most coveted of Dodger memorabilia – the Dodger Dog. Make no mistake – I consider the concession stand as important a location as home plate. In fact, I may not be able to tell you who the Dodgers are playing that day, but I guarantee I will have memorized the entire snack stand menu including the condiment bar.

Perhaps most thrilling is the new AmPm All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion. According to the Dodger website, for $35 you can get a seat in the right field bleachers and “unlimited Dodger Dogs, nachos, peanuts, popcorn and Coca-Cola products.” Just saying the words “unlimited nachos” out loud gets me more excited than a home run in the bottom of the ninth.

But I know the Dodgers aren’t just about the hot dogs, or the peanuts, or the Cracker Jack. It’s the excitement of being a part of a 50-year tradition, and I’m sure once the game got started I would get swept away by the smell of the infield and the roar of the crowd. Now if I could just get one of those big foam fingers to wave around…

Any baseball fans out there? What’s your ideal ballpark day that doesn’t involve your couch and a big plasma screen?