Vacations Blog

Welcome to Florida. Kind of.

I have visited many vacation destinations over my lifetime.

I’ve been to Europe, Jamaica, the Bahamas, Mexico, Canada, and all across the United States.  And almost everywhere I go, the locals welcome tourists with open arms and open palms, taking your money and ignorance about their culture with a smile.

Italians don’t mind that you don’t speak the language.  Mexicans are thrilled that you didn’t bother to exchange your foreign currency.  Even New Yorkers, while annoyed that you’re standing in the middle of the sidewalk staring up at the skyline, are happy to give you directions to the best bagel shop in the area – while also telling you the best place to get a pizza later on in the day.

Travel guides talk incessantly about “local favorites” and “tips from locals”.  The locals, it seems, hold the secret keys to any tourist’s perfect vacation.

Except in Florida.

Native Floridians hate tourists.

No, they do not know how to get you into Disney for free.  No, they do not think that it is awesome that it is still 100 degrees out in October.  And by the way, can you please stay the hell of the Interstate during our commute?  Thanks.

The worst person to ask for advice on your Florida vacation is a true Florida local.

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In years past, whenever I traveled to a new place, I shied away from popular activities and attractions, deeming them “too touristy.”  I’d comb the literature about the location, looking for the places the locals go, eschewing the tours, the long lines at the historical sites, the overcrowded chain restaurants.  “Bah!” I’d say, eager to dash down an alley or sample the freshest locally made fare.

As I’ve gotten older (ahem) and my available time has grown shorter, I’ve found that those tours can show you the major sites of a new city in a fraction of the time it would take to discover them by wandering around.  The chain restaurant on the corner is good enough when you only have a half an hour to choke down lunch because you want to explore another secluded beach.  The #1 most popular tourist attraction is #1 for a reason:  it’s awesome.

Sure, it sucks to have to join the wave of humans in the madding crowd, but when are you going to be back here again?  You might as well visit St. Paul’s Cathedral and wonder at the inscriptions in the crypt or inch up the impossibly endless spiral staircase.  Get a glimpse of Grand Canyon on your way across the country to start a new job.  Have a drink in the revolving restaurant at the top of the space needle.  Who cares if everyone else is doing it?  You haven’t done it yet.

I’ve found that when traveling alone, I’m more likely to wander off in the direction opposite the dense collections of people.  When I’m with my children, the conveniences of an inclusive tourist area prove themselves to be essential.  This afternoon on my own, while poking around the north shore of Oahu in my tiny, zippy rental car, I simply followed my whims and found myself on a fairly deserted beach with blown out swells and few locals swimming in the choppy surf.  The scene was breathtaking.  Nothing out there but ocean – vast, wide, pure aqua blue ocean.  The air smelled deliciously fresh and clean.  The sand massaged my feet.  The sun warmed my neck.  Not a tourist trap in sight.

Waialua Beach

But then I got hungry and I had to pee, so I got back in the car, a little bit sad that there were no familiar golden arches along the barren stretch of road that greeted me.  Just a little bit, though.  I wound up at a local spot famous for its saimin, and slurped down those salty noodles to my heart’s content.  To satisfy the tourist in me, I loaded up on tacky souvenirs at an outpost of the ubiquitous ABC store.

At this point in my life, it’s no longer “tourist vs. local.”  They’re both inside me, and I indulge each of them when the moments are right.

Call him 'Lance' and you're in trouble.

Listen, I’m not going to lie to you, okay? I’m in Hawaii on a tour where we’re being treated like rock stars. Meaning, I am anything but slumming as far as hotels go. When I get a spare few hours, I will find some funky cool little places to stay in for less than usual, I promise. And let’s be honest, any quick search of cheap hotels in Honolulu will pull up more info than even I could steal and attempt at passing off as my own.

But, having been traveling for over 11 straight years now, I can offer some little tips on how to have a lot of the same experiences as the happy family on the brochure, without having to pay as much.

Take today, for example, I had a few extra hours before a welcoming party.

I could have easily picked up the guide book and read that the Iolani Palace was just down the street from me.

I could have found out through, well, a number of resources online, that it was an easy walk from my hotel.

I could have walked around outside, sat under the giant banyan trees and taken this monument in.

I could have gone inside, paid the $20, and read the information given by one of the older volunteers at the door.

I could have found out that it had electricity 4 years before The White House, or, perhaps, that this was the official residence of the monarch until the King was overthrown in 1893.

In fact, I could have easily cut-and-pasted all sorts of wonderful information about this downtown jewel right here and, thanks to this handy thesaurus that pops up with a click, might have even convinced you it was my own.

Or, I could have taken up a friend-of-a-friend’s offer to show me around.

Which I did.

See, Hawaiian’s are some of the most accommodating people in the world, they’re also some of the most laid-back; these are things you probably know. But in this day and age of social networking, everyone is one degree away from anyone else in the world.

And people like living here, they like talking about living here – so take them up on it.

I guarantee that with one ‘friend invite’, or one ‘tweet‘, you can find someone anywhere who has an hour.

That’s what I did, and now anytime I come back to Honolulu, I’ll have a new friend-guide, known to most as ‘Lancey-Poo’.

And that’s something everyone should have.

Aric Q. is traveling to Hawaii and he’s trying to do it on the cheap.  We will be following his adventures here on UpTake and we will be wishing him well, but we will NOT be wiring him money.