Vacations Blog

Welcome to Florida. Kind of.

I have visited many vacation destinations over my lifetime.

I’ve been to Europe, Jamaica, the Bahamas, Mexico, Canada, and all across the United States.  And almost everywhere I go, the locals welcome tourists with open arms and open palms, taking your money and ignorance about their culture with a smile.

Italians don’t mind that you don’t speak the language.  Mexicans are thrilled that you didn’t bother to exchange your foreign currency.  Even New Yorkers, while annoyed that you’re standing in the middle of the sidewalk staring up at the skyline, are happy to give you directions to the best bagel shop in the area – while also telling you the best place to get a pizza later on in the day.

Travel guides talk incessantly about “local favorites” and “tips from locals”.  The locals, it seems, hold the secret keys to any tourist’s perfect vacation.

Except in Florida.

Native Floridians hate tourists.

No, they do not know how to get you into Disney for free.  No, they do not think that it is awesome that it is still 100 degrees out in October.  And by the way, can you please stay the hell of the Interstate during our commute?  Thanks.

The worst person to ask for advice on your Florida vacation is a true Florida local.

Technically, there are two kinds of people who live in Florida.  On one hand, you have the Florida transplant (like me).  These people (like me) love Florida and amusement parks and beaches and are more than happy to share this magical place with you.  Florida transplants live in Florida by choice.  They came here on a vacation once and, for whatever reason, decided to make the Sunshine State their permanent home.  You can recognize a Florida transplant by their tanned skin, slow moving attitude, and New York accent.

On the other hand, you have the Florida native who was born and raised in Florida and, for whatever reason, still lives here.  They hate the weather and the humidity, and they can’t imagine why anyone would go to Disney World in the summer.  In fact, they haven’t been anywhere near “the parks” in several years.  (Unless they have kids, in which case, they go to the parks around major holidays or when grandparents are visiting.)

I was speaking to a group of Floridians recently about the dichotomy in attitudes between natives and transplants.  My fellow transplants and I marveled at how welcoming other transplants were of newcomers and tourists and how differently the natives seemed to view the… er… guests.

And then a native Floridian explained, very clearly, the entire Florida local attitude for me in one statement.

“We’re not on &%$*!# vacation!”

And there it was.  There, in that declaration, was the reason why Florida locals (the native kind, at least) hated tourists.  It was the reason they complained about slow moving traffic and “idiots on the beach”.  It was the sentiment that explained why they resented the amusement parks guests who make it possible for Florida to go without a state income tax.

The natives, unlike the tourists (and to some extent, the transplants), are keenly aware of the fact that they are not on vacation. And you are. You are, perpetually it seems, on &%$*!# vacation.

The word bitter comes to mind.

How can you use this information to enhance your Florida vacation?

1.  Don’t email the person you know who has lived in Florida their entire life for vacation tips. They have very little insider information about taking a vacation in Florida.  And no, they probably can’t get you into the parks for free.  (Unless they work there, and then you better be really good friends or next of kin to be asking.)

2.  Do email the person you know who has recently move to Florid for vacation tips. They are probably still in love with the idea of Florida.  They spend their free weekends taking advantage of the beaches and hunting down new things to do in the area.  But, no, they probably can’t get you into the parks for free either.

3.  Don’t ask the guy with Florida plates and a UFC bumper sticker for directions. They already hate you.

4.  Do ask the guy with a Yankees cap and out of state plates for directions. He probably lives here and just hasn’t changed his plates yet, and he’s still in a good mood about the fact that it doesn’t ever snow here.

Photo by Karen Horton on Flickr.