Vacations Blog

From guest blogger Marsha Takeda-Morrison of Sweatpantsmom

I’ve been asked by the editors to participate in a meme called Thursday Thirteen. Coming up with thirteen of anything seemed impossible at first, unless you asked me to list the number of ways I can order a cappuccino at Starbucks.

But then I remembered a dilemma I face almost daily living in Los Angeles, the land of the Perpetually Primped. How can I, a working mom, go out in public with the least amount of personal grooming? And most importantly, avoid running into anyone I know lest they judge my haggard appearance? After all, this is L.A., where most women wouldn’t dare leave the house without lipstick, two coats of mascara and a Botox injection - and that’s just to get the mail.

Thursday Thirteen – Thirteen Places You Can Go In Los Angeles Without Makeup

1. The ‘scary’ grocery story in your neighborhood. I prefer our local downtrodden market to the more upscale version located a few blocks closer. So what if all the cashiers are missing half their teeth? It’s worth it if I don’t have to run into any of those moms glowing after their seaweed peels and three-hour facials.
2. Art-house movie at any Laemmle Theater – Although it appears that my highbrow taste is the motivation for attending subtitled films about lonely cobblers finding love during WWII, the real reason is there’s not a chance that any of the other three people in the theater is someone I know.
3. Chuck E. Cheese – My kids outgrew this place years ago, but I still long for those days of being able to blend in with the other hundred frantic, pasty-faced parents scarfing down pizza while their toddlers run wild.
4. Jury Duty – If you’re trying to get out of serving, appearing as unkempt as possible will work in your favor here. No one’s going to want you deciding the fate of another human being when you look like someone who can’t even brush their own hair.
5. The Car Wash – This only applies to those venues that let you stay in your vehicle while your van hits the suds. Resist the temptation to get out and pick up another fake-pine air freshener or pair of cheap sunglasses.
6. Gas Stations – I try to look as unattractive as possible when pumping gas, in order to discourage panhandling. However, I was given five bucks by a homeless guy once and told to go get a good haircut.
7. Any 7-Eleven – For obvious reasons.
8. Bally’s Total Fitness, Between 11pm and 6am ONLY – Trying to get on a treadmill during normal business hours without a full face of makeup in L.A. will result in a severe ass-kicking by other gym patrons forced to stare at your ugly mug.
9. Any fast food drive-thru – No one will ever see you ordering your super-sized monster taco meal while looking like you just woke up from a fifty-year nap.
10. Target, Sepulveda Blvd. in Van Nuys – This Target is a mecca for overworked, overwhelmed parents and it shows. I feel right at home amongst the tattered-sweatpants crowd. Drive over the hill to Sunset and Vine, though, and every single person looks like they’re from the cast of The Hills.
11. The Dry Cleaners – What person in their right mind would get gussied up to pick up a bunch of sweaters?
12. Ross Dress For Less, Mervins, Marshalls or anywhere else you can get a coat for under ten dollars – See #7
13. Sorry, but there really are only twelve places in L.A. that you can go looking like a hag.

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