Vacations Blog

When our kids were small, there was no question about who paid for stuff. Air fare, entrance fees, food, lodging, and “Can I have it’s,” all subsidized by dear ol’ Mum and Dad. We made sure the budget accounted for that, so we tended to head toward less exotic destinations, which were less expensive to achieve. A trip to Maine, where we stayed with my family. A long weekend in Utah for some epic skiing. Road trips over to San Diego for three or four days. And we went camping a lot.

Me and the kids in Maine in '98.

When our son entered the military, and it was just me, my husband, and our daughter, we were able to branch out a little more. The three of us took a trip to Vancouver, BC, we spent a week driving up the Pacific Coast Highway from LA to San Francisco, and we spent ten days in Hawaii.

My husband, parasailing in Hawaii in '03.

Then our daughter moved out, too, and my husband and I indulged in a couple of lovely vacations, just the two of us. A trip to Maine, where we stayed in the Old Port section of downtown Portland. A long weekend in Oregon. And, this summer, our Epic Road Trip to Yellowstone and surrounding destinations.

Me and my husband in Maine, '07.

Lately, my husband has been waxing nostalgic. The kids are grown, and we don’t spend as much time with them as we used to. We see them less often (as in, a couple of times a week – they each live within a few miles of us), and we have fewer opportunities to make family memories. So we’ve been talking about planning a family vacation, with our now-grown kids, and their significant others.

The company I work for very kindly offers its employees a two-month sabbatical every seven years. Mine (my second!) is scheduled for next June and July. My husband and I have started conversing about what we’d like to do during that time. I know for certain that I’m making another trip back home to Maine, and we’d both like to get back to Hawaii again.

The kids when they were little.

It’s the Hawaii trip that my husband wants everyone to go on, together. If he had his druthers (and if we had a bottomless bag of money) we’d pay for everything and treat the kids and their SO’s to a great and memorable vacation.

I, being the money mistress of the household, am rather more pragmatic.

It’s my intention to have the kids pay for some of the expenses, themselves. The question is, how much do we cover to ensure we all get there and have a good time, and how much do we make them cover so that we don’t break our bank account? It’s a delicate balance between my husband’s, “We’ll take care of it,” attitude, and my own, “They’re grown-ups, they can pay for their own stuff,” frame of mind.

The kids skiing in Utah in '99.

So here’s what we’ve decided. My husband and I will pay for airfare for ourselves, our son (who is 26), and our daughter (who is 21). Our son’s girlfriend and our daughter’s boyfriend will need to cover their own airfare. My husband and I will pay for the lodging for all six of us (a condo, we’re thinking, so we can make our own meals), one rental car, one fancy dinner (I’m thinking a luau), basic groceries for the week, and one activity we can do as a family (para-sailing, snorkeling, etc).

If the kids want a rental car for themselves, they’ll have to cover the expense. If they want to do activities every day (shopping, a helicopter tour, etc. etc. – there’s fifty million ways to spend money in Hawaii), they’ll have to cover the expense. If they want to eat out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it’s on them to pay for it.

Basically, we’ll get them there, and we’ll put a roof over their head, but they’re on their own for everything else.

Maui Palm Trees, Big Beach '03

So here’s the process we’re going through, to handle the negotiations with the kids.

1. Plan as far ahead as possible. Notice that it’s July 2009, and we’re planning our trip for June 2010. This gives the kids nearly a year to save or otherwise prepare for the trip.

2. Make sure they understand and agree to the plan up front.  If they don’t save enough money, they can’t go. Simple as that. They’re getting a smokin’ deal and they need to be aware of that. They need to be mature enough to understand that Mum and Dad can’t subsidize them forever.

3. Figure out a conservative budget. The kids need to know how much savings they need to shoot for. A plane ticket can be upwards of $800. A car rental for a week can go for $600 or more. Food is incredibly expensive in Hawaii – you can spend up to $100 a day per person.

4. Plan status checks on a regular basis. Make sure the kids are marching toward their savings goal. You know how they tend to save everything for the last minute – well, they won’t be able to save what they need in a month’s time. You might even want to consider (as I am) holding the money FOR them, as they save it.

5. Be prepared to say, “No.” If, after all of your planning and checking and reminding, the kids still aren’t stepping up to their monetary responsibilities, you might have to have a tough conversation with them. Perhaps their boyfriend or girlfriend can’t afford the airfare – the kids will have to decide if they’ll go anyway, or stay behind. Or, perhaps one of the kids arrives in Hawaii to find they have no extra spending money whatsoever. Well, then, they’ll just have to plant their butt on the beach and enjoy the free sunshine and swimming, while the rest of us go off and do the stuff we saved our money for. Poor, neglected darling.

My husband and daughter

That last one will be hardest for my husband to stick to, I think – all our daughter has to do is bat her pretty green eyes and call him “Daddy”, and she gets pretty much anything she wants. I can see it happening – oh yes, I can. But, hopefully, with a little luck and a lot of planning, we can pull of a great vacation with our grown-up children, with no fighting and no drama, and everyone pitching in to cover their share of the expenses.

Okay, make that, “…with a LOT of luck”.