He's trying to tell you to turn around and come back in the fall

If the Orlando tourism people ask, you didn’t hear this from me.

I’m pretty sure I could have my Florida driver’s license revoked for what I’m about to tell you.

*deep breath*

Disney World sucks in the summer.

It’s true.  Tell a Florida resident that you’re planning to visit Disney World in June, July or August and you’ll be met with a look of confusion and pity.  And possibly a little smugness because clearly you are not as “in the know” as the locals are.

Yes, we know, it’s the happiest place on earth.  From October to April, many of us wholeheartedly agree that Disney World rocks.  We’re iffy on September and May, but we’ll let those months slide.  But a visit to Disney World during the height of summer?

No way.

5 Reasons Why Disney World Sucks (In The Summer)

A magical concrete jungle

1. The heat.

I love warm weather.  In fact, it’s one of the main reasons I moved to Florida in the first place.  I can even tolerate the 100+ degree heat that is prevalent all summer long.  What I cannot tolerate is 100+ degree heat in the middle of miles and miles of concrete, with precious few shaded areas as big as my thumb.  The air is heavy and sticky and hot and the misting fans do very little to relieve the oppressive heat. Read More »

Old Orchard Beach is located in Southern Maine and is one of the most popular destination for local “stay-cationers”. It’s also a great vacation destination for people visiting the Pine Tree State.

Old Orchard Beach, pic by jennratonmort

Miles of white sandy beaches along the cool Atlantic ocean are lined with bed and breakfasts, motels, inns, bars, restaurants, and shopping. The focal point of the area is the OOB Pier (you’ve gotta get the pier fries!), and the beachfront Palace Playland amusement park.

Palace Playland, photo by chris knight

Read More »

What's More Amusing than a Canoe Ride?

People in the Seattle area are not easily amused.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we here in the Northwest are not funny people. Quite the opposite really.  I mean, take a look at some of our most famous citizens: Bill Gates – A laugh a minute.  Kurt Kobain – What’s funnier than checking yourself out when you are at your prime?  Ichiro – Most hilarious Japanese import since Mr. Miyagi.

Actually, we would be a lot more amusing up here in the Seattle area if it weren’t for the dearth of amusement parks we have to deal with. Perhaps it is the months on end of drizzle, outright rain, and grey skies that doesn’t lend itself well to outdoor family fun.  Conversely, when the weather does get nice, there are endless natural wonders to behold.  Whatever the reason be, when we do come across just such an amusing place, however small scale it may be, it is certainly worth mentioning.

This past weekend, my wife, son, and I visited Remlinger Farms and Family Fun Park in Carnation, Washington.  Located about 35 minutes east of Seattle, Remlinger Farms is a unique family experience complete with acres of berry fields ripe for picking, a market loaded with fresh farm produce, a family friendly restaurant, various farm and fire vehicles to crawl in and around, a petting zoo where the little ones can get up close and personal with any number of goats, sheep, bunnies, chickens, or ducks, daily performance shows AND – you guessed it – rides.

Ever Rode in a Spinning Pumpkin?

Now these rides are not going to thrill many kids in the teen and older set.  However, for the little ones such as my 2-year-old son, this park was a thrill a minute.  There were pony rides, a slow paced canoe ride around a ‘raging’ river, a hay maze, old-time cars moving around a track where the little ones could get the sensation of driving, a long pedalcar track, bouncy rooms, a mini roller coaster and other carnival type rides including a thrilling pumpkin spin, and best of all for my son – a steam train leaving every 10 minutes. The train would circle the farm and view various farm and western themed displays before traveling through a darkened tunnel as it pulled back into the station.

  Read More »

As an official Floridian, I get emails all the time from people with questions about their upcoming Orlando vacations.  Apparently, a Florida driver’s license makes me an expert on tourism.  Well, that and my awesome habit of usually being right and knowing everything.

Most recently, a friend emailed to ask me which theme park is better – Walt Disney World or Universal Studios Orlando?

My expert opinion is that it depends.

Universal Studios vs. Disney World

Questions to ask when deciding which theme park is right for your vacation.

How old are your kids?

Both of the mega theme parks in Orlando cater to children.  Obviously.  But the age of your children will make a big difference in what they’ll get out of each.

Walt Disney World is perfect for toddlers and preschool age children. My 4 year old daughter thinks that Disney World is heaven and Mickey Mouse just might be the Messiah.  Which is a testament to Disney’s marketing and not at all a reflection of my poor parenting.

meeting Mickey

There is a limitless supply of things for her to look at it.  From parades to musical shows, we could easily spend days and days just sitting and watching stuff at Disney World and she would never be bored.  My 9 year old son?  His eyes were in danger of rolling out of his head after the first 5 minutes of the Mickey Club House sing-a-long show.

Disney World also has tons of rides and attractions that are suited to a younger child.  A Small World doesn’t scare the crap out of my daughter, and she is more than happy to stand in line for yet another ride on a carousel.

on the carousel

However, a trip to Universal Studios requires at least one adult willing to spend a lot of time sitting with a toddler and a stroller while everyone else goes on the big kid rides.  While Universal’s Islands of Adventure offers Dr. Seuss land, the overwhelming majority of rides and attractions are better suited for older children.

How much of your vacation is dedicated to theme parks?

Disney is best experienced in big, huge chunks. Our very first trip to Disney World was for an evening event.  We spent 4 hours at the Magic Kingdom and came home stressed out and exhausted from trying to squeeze as much in as we could in a short amount of time.  Our second trip to Disney World was for a long weekend and we stayed at a Disney World hotel.  We visited 3 of the 4 parks and everyone had a chance to do (or see) at least one thing on their Disney Must Do List.

If you’re going to do Disney, then do Disney.  Give yourself plenty of time to soak it all in and understand why it’s called the happiest place on Earth.  You’ll also save a ton of money by buying a multi-day ticket.

Universal Studios is perfect if you want to do something besides amusement parks during your Orlando vacation. You can spend one or two days and get the most out of both Universal parks.

Universal Studios roller coasters

If you’re trying to get as much into your vacation itinerary as possible on the lowest budget, spend the big bucks on Universal and then go for some of the cheaper things to do in Orlando (like a trip to the beach).  Central Florida offers so much more than roller coasters and cartoon characters.

How much money do you want to spend?

While the ticket prices for single day admission are comparable, I always find we spend more money when we go to Disney World than when we visit Universal Studios.

Of course Universal Studios has theme restaurants with overpriced hamburgers, souvenir shops, face painting and a dozen chances to have your family vacation immortalized in a caricature drawing.  But Disney is the master of the upsell.

You can tell we love our children because they have ears

You can’t walk three feet in Disney World without someone trying to convince your kids to ask you for money.  Vendors walk the streets hawking $10 balloons, neon necklaces, gourmet cookies and of course you have to buy the ears. And don’t forget all of the extra experiences you can buy!  You can have lunch with a character or giver your little girl a princess makeover – but don’t expect that to be included in your price of admission.

The biggest difference between the two parks is that Disney is an experience, while Universal Studios is an attraction.  You need to decide if you’re planning a Disney Vacation or a vacation to Florida.

(All photos by Britt Reints.  Obviously.  Or this would just be creepy.)

It is no secret that I love Disneyland.  It’s my happiest place on Earth and all that, but there are things at Disneyland that bug me and as such they should be addressed to keep me, er, the paying guest, happy.

1.  Grumpy cast members.  No, not Grumpy the dwarf, but actual people that work at Disneyland that are unpleasant.  Granted, this doesn’t happen often which is probably why it makes such an impact when it does.  Nothing stands out like a weed in a field full of flowers.

2.  Grumpy guests.  Again, not the dwarf.  Sure, Disney would be hard-pressed to alter the grumpy guest, but who the hell yells and curses in Disneyland at A) their kids, B) their spouse, C) the soon to be grumpy cast member.  If I wanted my kids to hear foul-mouths and anger I would take them to a Raiders game.

Ice Cream at Disneyland

3.  Crowds.  Yes, this is rather obvious.  Nothing is more frustrating than trying to navigate your family through a bunch of other people trying to navigate theirs through yours.  To an extent this is expected and taken with a grain of salt, but here’s a secret- some of those crowds are created by Disney.  They like to mess with perception and it’s annoying.  They’re already getting my money so knock it off.

4.  Smoking.  If you are going to go to the trouble of banning smoking and creating large and lovely smoking areas then please enforce it. If I wanted my kids to inhale a cloud of smoke and ashes I would take them to a Raiders game.

5. Pin traders.  Somewhere between the hobbies of stamp collecting and pigeon fancying sits the pin trader.  At first glance they seem harmless enough, just a group of people taking up all of the shade-covered seats outside the eatery, but don’t even think about asking to use one of their many empty chairs so that your wife and children can actually sit down for a moment.  That’s when the claws come out.  Those chairs are for their customers- other pin traders, most of which are sitting at shade-covered tables around them amid a sea of empty chairs.  Disneyland is not their personal eBay store, contrary to their popular belief.  Pin traders are directly responsible for many a grumpy guest- see how this is all circular?  The Lion King was right.

6.  Little Rascals. Not Alfalfa and Buckwheat, but the guests that use scooters to maneuver the park.  Obviously most people on a scooter are not doing anything wrong, but there are those (you know who you are) that try to weave in and out of traffic on their scooter like it’s rush hour on the interstate.  A scooter is not made for weaving, or speed for that matter.  And then there is the horn.  Seriously, a freaking horn?  There is a special place in hell for the honker of the scooter horn.

7.  Stroller Derby.  We use a stroller at Disneyland.  It’s the only place we use one.  The crowds are too big and the scooters too fast for kids to be wandering around aimlessly all day.  Plus, it’s a great place to keep your stuff.  However, pushing a stroller does not mean that you are any more important than anyone else.  It does not mean that you are allowed to cut people off, bump their ankles or double-park in front of Peter Pan.  This does not make one a good parent, it makes one an ass.

8.  Ride closures.  On our last trip we stood in line for 5 different rides that broke down before we got to ride them.  Sure, it’s better than actually being on them when they break, but 5 rides in one day?  That’s a lot, isn’t it?

9.  Photo prices.  Disneyland is getting my money.  I know this when I walk through the gate, just like I know the house is getting it when I stumble into Vegas. I accept it.  However, it would be nice if I could stretch it a bit further before it goes.

Disney has a great service where they take your photo throughout the park and then you can purchase them later… for 15 bucks.  What?  It’s a damn digital print.  You can print those out for less than a dollar at Target.  Sure, someone else took the photo, but I’m not sold on their skills as a professional photographer.  It’s not like Annie Leibovitz is spending her weekends in front of the castle.

There is also the option of buying the photos online when you get home- just in case you weren’t quite done spending money yet.

$15 is a tad high.  Maybe two tads.

Old Friends United

10.  More character opportunities.  I remember a time when the Disney characters were everywhere.  They roamed streets and restaurants and brought an element of magic and surprise to the day.  Now they are in certain areas with huge lines, which isn’t a bad thing, but it loses something.  Characters were born to be free and to work the streets of Disneyland like their own cocktail party.  Keep the set lines with the select few, but put the rest back into the mix.   One quick glance from a favorite character goes a long way.  Who knows, it might even ease the grumpy guest.

So that’s it.  Nitpicking? Perhaps.  Doable?  Maybe not.  To be honest I’d settle for a ban on horns… and maybe a churro.

We Plunder.

Photos by Whit and Tricia Honea

For those of you with small children, there aren’t always a lot of choices when it comes to amusement parks. Disneyland is great, but for us Nor Cal folks there’s the expense (and the hassle -remember, “small children”) of travel.  Upon arrival we then encounter the additional expense of lodging, eating and the park itself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking Disneyland. Every family should experience it as many times as possible because every trip is a different adventure. But if you’re looking for a local spot for pint-sized entertainment, then look no further than Concord’s Pixieland Amusement Park.

Located in Concord, California, Pixieland has been a local institution since…well I’m not sure when because I couldn’t locate this particular nugget of information. But I’ll tell you this; I had a birthday party there around 1970, so it’s been around for at least 40 years. It’s really geared toward the three to eight year old crowd so if yours are a little older, or have already hit their teens, then Pixieland is probably not for you. But if you’ve got little ones you should definitely check it out.

Pixieland has seven rides including:

• A Train ride – “featuring Engineer Jim!”
• The Dragon Rollercoaster
• Frog Hopper
• Red Baron Airplanes
• Spinning Tea Cups
• Antique Cars
• Carousel

Parking and admission are free, but once inside plan to spend a little money. Rides require tickets and they’re not cheap. The cost is $1.50 for single tickets so you’re better off spending a little more up front and getting more bang for your buck. A book of ten tickets will run you $14, but if you buy five books you’ll get the sixth book free. On the plus side there is no expiration date on the tickets so you can save them for a future visit. All-Day wristbands are available for $25, and a season pass is $150. All rides require one ticket with the exception of the train and the roller coaster which require two.

Did I mention it’s a little pricey? OK then.

Pixieland offers a full snack bar which, in addition to the usual assortment of tooth-rotting goodies offers hand-dipped corn dogs, nachos, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, French fries ,garlic fries, and fresh cotton candy. Birthday party packages are also available.

Park hours seem to change by the day. Seriously. Check out the Pixieland Park Hours page of their website. I half expected to see a time change based on the phases of the moon. July is the only month that Pixieland is open 7-days a week.

A word of caution to parents; hemorrhaging money aide, for sanity’s sake I don’t recommend spending more than about two hours at Pixieland.  Frankly, the place is full of little kids, and really who needs more than a couple of hours of that?? There also may or may not be incessant, happy music playing over the sound system.  In short, any time spent over the recommend two hours and you may find yourself being brought up on charges for shoving some kid in front of a Red Baron airplane.

That being said, ENJOY!

All Photos by Jef Poskanzer

Disney offers many nutritional options for keeping children quiet.

1.  As evidenced by the annoyed people seated next to me on the Nemo Submarine Voyage I get excellent cell-phone reception up to 20,000 leagues under the sea.  This despite dead zones in my own home.

2.  Until a wrong turn on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride took me there, I never realized that hell was not just hot but also quite humid- not unlike Florida.

3.  After walking through Innoventions I can’t help but feel that Microsoft’s biggest issue is not lack of innovation, but rather a failure to communicate.  They make awesome stuff for the home and nobody knows it.

4.  Old country bears don’t die, they just retire to the Hundred Acre Woods.

5.  If a princess has found her prince she is highly unlikely to kiss a frog, no matter how nicely you ask.

6.  The best way to keep pirates from boarding your boat is flash photography.

7.  If visiting the parks in February the crowds will be small and the rides will be closed.

8.  Not all of the 999 spooks are grim or grinning.  At least two ghosts appear indifferent.

9.  Should a ride have the word “terror” in its name, there is good chance you may find it somewhat terrifying.

10.  Despite Flick’s insistence to the contrary, some bugs deserve to be swatted.

11.  The whole thing about human children contaminating monsters is an urban legend.

12.  With just 10 Dalmatians Cruella de Vil could have had a nice handbag.

13.  A full bar, a winery, a tequila booth and a beer cart are a nice touch.

Read more about the Disneyland Resort here and here!

Photo by Whit Honea